Normal nights when we aren't being idiots. The pretty one on the left is Beth. The idiot with the awkward shiny spot (on the right) is me.As it is, I'm the type of girl who cries when it's not appropriate. I don't cry at funerals unless I have to say something, I rarely cry if something awful happens to me or my family, but I will cry at the mere thought of something horrible happening to someone I love. I imagine these horrible terrible scenarios where I lose someone I'm close to, or I'm the one who's lost and I forgot to say something important to someone important...really the list goes on. The things I think of right before I fall asleep are anything but pleasant, so it's really not a wonder that it takes me hours to really get to sleep. I cry in private or with those I trust if it's really something that I shouldn't be alone to deal with. Had a bit of experience with the whole "needing someone to make sure I don't make good on sarcastic (and totally not serious, by the way) comments about flinging myself off the nearest building above six stories tall," so I've finally grasped the importance behind having someone there. Even if I don't want people to see me all red-eyed and teary and goobery.
Anyways, Beth and I were recently sitting in our floor lounge one night, and then somehow we got on the subject of crying and I realized that I hadn't cried since I found out about my Uncle dying. Really, that's quite a long time for me (November), so jump a few minutes in the conversation and we're reading this pathetically sad website, and I'm bawling. Then Beth gets this idea to listen to sad songs, and about 20 minutes after that, she's a mess and I'm barely holding it together.
That's literally how we spent our night. Talking about sad stuff and then crying about said sadness, then laughing hysterically at ourselves for being so pathetic, and then we decided to just roll with it.
So we cried. For about 3 hours, sitting in the lounge, listening to sad songs.
Feel free.
And you know what? It felt damn good right afterward. I liked the feeling of just bawling my eyes out for a certain amount of time, and it was just...cathartic. That's the word, cathartic.
Like I was letting just a whole five month's worth of frustration and little bits of "sad" out in one big rush.
I felt soooo much better the next day, thank goodness. I literally woke up smiling for some reason.
Then I hit my head on Grace's bed, so I stopped smiling.
Anyways, this post is kind of going to be a little bit more of that cathartic-ness. I like things that make me cry, but only when I feel like actually doing that crying. If you're looking to bawl your eyes out, check those songs out and really really listen to the lyrics. If you're really looking to cry, read the first 6 chapters of Jane Eyre (my favorite book in the whole wide world) and just wallow in deep-set hatred of Victorian well-to-do families.
Then read Mansfield Park, and wonder if Jane Austen and Charlotte Bronte were best friends. Because I'm basically positive that they were, logic be damned.
Without further babbling, here's a list of things that make me cry.
5. Leaving. Anything.
Even if I'm super happy to be doing the leaving, I'm still going to cry a little bit. Probably. Because in some way, wherever I end up changes me. The places I go and the people I meet always always always have some sort of an effect on me. I'm like a sponge; I take everything I can from the people/places I meet/live, and I just absorb it into my system for as long as I can. I don't give much (which is bad), but I take and take and take from the people I meet, and then I try and wring myself out on someone else, so they can benefit at least a fraction of how much as I did.
4. GivesMeHope.Com and MakesMeThink.Com
Really?! Really, someone had to make these websites just for the sole purpose of sickos like me who like to read inspirational/tragic/happy stories that literally bring tears to your eyes (if you're not an ogre). Beth and I timed it; it took me 3 pages to start crying, but it took her 4. Then we listened to this Christmas song that she really likes and that was just the end of that.
3. Sad (Country) Songs
Who I Am- Jessica Andrews
Letter to Me- Brad Paisley
100 Years- The Fray
Where Are You Christmas- Faith Hill (Beth's Special)
In the Arms of the Angels- Sarah McLachlan
I Will Remember You- Sarah McLachlan
Concrete Angel- Martina McBride
Graduation Song -Vitamin C
Cat's in the Cradle- Henry Chapin
Mad World- Gary Jules
Wonderwall and Champagne Supernova- Oasis
You and Me- Lifehouse (don't ask.)
Hanging by a Moment- (also Lifehouse?)
I told you I'm not an appropriate-time cry-er. Who the fuck starts bawling when Brad Paisley comes on the radio?!
Any of these songs will make me cry. This one time, Adam sang me 100 Years; I didn't cry, I laughed because believe it or not this kid hit the high notes. But otherwise it makes me cry. Some of these I have special memories attached to. The Oasis songs are from Israel; I have special memories of beautiful people singing these songs every chance they got. They sang one of them on the last day as we were all getting on planes back to New York, then home. I didn't stop crying for about two hours after that.
Mad World just makes me think of sad children. I don't know why, but I hate it when children are sad, because then they cry and I want to cry with them. When a child is truly sad--not because his or her favorite toy broke, but truly, deeply sad--the world feels like it stops a little for me. In my head, until you know how babies are made, you are still a baby and therefore should never be forced to experience true, digging sadness. The kind that sticks to your ribs around your heart should only be reserved for those of us who understand that life really isn't sunshine, rainbows and (beer) cupcakes.
2. Very Talented Children
Swear to g-d, I started crying out of sheer astonishment this one time I was watching a youtube video (with Beth) of a kid who had such a beautiful voice. I think it was that Britain's Got Talent show with the little guy who belted the Michael Jackson song. I cried. Long and hard. (that's what sheeee said.)
Go on, don't cry, I dare you.
1. Re-reading old letters that I've never sent. I have like six of them that I've written to one person since I was 14. Almost every major life event, I've written him/her a letter. I hate having things unsaid, so maybe, just maybe I'll end up telling him/her what I've been holding in for so long.
By the way, I've literally read and re-read these letters (and subsequently cried on each of them) enough times that the letters are smudged from my fingerprints and other stuff. The more recent letters are usually covered in coffee.
Oh, here's what else I don't like, but less serious and more me.
1. bad coffee.
2. ugly pictures of me (not really crying as much as cringing and untagging from facebook)
3. packing. I hate packing.
4. knowing that you have to pee, but not wanting to get up just then, but still knowing you have to get up eventually. I hate that, I have no idea why.
5. cucumbers. I can't stand them, but I love pickles.
I was recently teased by a certain wanna-be cop for putting "Love, Miss Guided" at the end of a post, so believe it or not I actually considered not putting it on this time. Then I realized I really do not enjoy being around said wanna-be cop (probably for the reason that he's a verbally abusive little bitch), and I really don't give a flying rat's ass what he thinks. :)
So.
LOVE (Love love love, because fuck you.)
Miss Guided.
Anyways, Beth and I were recently sitting in our floor lounge one night, and then somehow we got on the subject of crying and I realized that I hadn't cried since I found out about my Uncle dying. Really, that's quite a long time for me (November), so jump a few minutes in the conversation and we're reading this pathetically sad website, and I'm bawling. Then Beth gets this idea to listen to sad songs, and about 20 minutes after that, she's a mess and I'm barely holding it together.
That's literally how we spent our night. Talking about sad stuff and then crying about said sadness, then laughing hysterically at ourselves for being so pathetic, and then we decided to just roll with it.
So we cried. For about 3 hours, sitting in the lounge, listening to sad songs.
Feel free. And you know what? It felt damn good right afterward. I liked the feeling of just bawling my eyes out for a certain amount of time, and it was just...cathartic. That's the word, cathartic.
Like I was letting just a whole five month's worth of frustration and little bits of "sad" out in one big rush.
I felt soooo much better the next day, thank goodness. I literally woke up smiling for some reason.
Then I hit my head on Grace's bed, so I stopped smiling.
Anyways, this post is kind of going to be a little bit more of that cathartic-ness. I like things that make me cry, but only when I feel like actually doing that crying. If you're looking to bawl your eyes out, check those songs out and really really listen to the lyrics. If you're really looking to cry, read the first 6 chapters of Jane Eyre (my favorite book in the whole wide world) and just wallow in deep-set hatred of Victorian well-to-do families.
Then read Mansfield Park, and wonder if Jane Austen and Charlotte Bronte were best friends. Because I'm basically positive that they were, logic be damned.
Without further babbling, here's a list of things that make me cry.
5. Leaving. Anything.
Even if I'm super happy to be doing the leaving, I'm still going to cry a little bit. Probably. Because in some way, wherever I end up changes me. The places I go and the people I meet always always always have some sort of an effect on me. I'm like a sponge; I take everything I can from the people/places I meet/live, and I just absorb it into my system for as long as I can. I don't give much (which is bad), but I take and take and take from the people I meet, and then I try and wring myself out on someone else, so they can benefit at least a fraction of how much as I did.
4. GivesMeHope.Com and MakesMeThink.Com
Really?! Really, someone had to make these websites just for the sole purpose of sickos like me who like to read inspirational/tragic/happy stories that literally bring tears to your eyes (if you're not an ogre). Beth and I timed it; it took me 3 pages to start crying, but it took her 4. Then we listened to this Christmas song that she really likes and that was just the end of that.
3. Sad (Country) Songs
Who I Am- Jessica Andrews
Letter to Me- Brad Paisley
100 Years- The Fray
Where Are You Christmas- Faith Hill (Beth's Special)
In the Arms of the Angels- Sarah McLachlan
I Will Remember You- Sarah McLachlan
Concrete Angel- Martina McBride
Graduation Song -Vitamin C
Cat's in the Cradle- Henry Chapin
Mad World- Gary Jules
Wonderwall and Champagne Supernova- Oasis
You and Me- Lifehouse (don't ask.)
Hanging by a Moment- (also Lifehouse?)
I told you I'm not an appropriate-time cry-er. Who the fuck starts bawling when Brad Paisley comes on the radio?!
Any of these songs will make me cry. This one time, Adam sang me 100 Years; I didn't cry, I laughed because believe it or not this kid hit the high notes. But otherwise it makes me cry. Some of these I have special memories attached to. The Oasis songs are from Israel; I have special memories of beautiful people singing these songs every chance they got. They sang one of them on the last day as we were all getting on planes back to New York, then home. I didn't stop crying for about two hours after that.
Mad World just makes me think of sad children. I don't know why, but I hate it when children are sad, because then they cry and I want to cry with them. When a child is truly sad--not because his or her favorite toy broke, but truly, deeply sad--the world feels like it stops a little for me. In my head, until you know how babies are made, you are still a baby and therefore should never be forced to experience true, digging sadness. The kind that sticks to your ribs around your heart should only be reserved for those of us who understand that life really isn't sunshine, rainbows and (beer) cupcakes.
2. Very Talented Children
Swear to g-d, I started crying out of sheer astonishment this one time I was watching a youtube video (with Beth) of a kid who had such a beautiful voice. I think it was that Britain's Got Talent show with the little guy who belted the Michael Jackson song. I cried. Long and hard. (that's what sheeee said.)
Go on, don't cry, I dare you.
1. Re-reading old letters that I've never sent. I have like six of them that I've written to one person since I was 14. Almost every major life event, I've written him/her a letter. I hate having things unsaid, so maybe, just maybe I'll end up telling him/her what I've been holding in for so long.
By the way, I've literally read and re-read these letters (and subsequently cried on each of them) enough times that the letters are smudged from my fingerprints and other stuff. The more recent letters are usually covered in coffee.
Oh, here's what else I don't like, but less serious and more me.
1. bad coffee.
2. ugly pictures of me (not really crying as much as cringing and untagging from facebook)
3. packing. I hate packing.
4. knowing that you have to pee, but not wanting to get up just then, but still knowing you have to get up eventually. I hate that, I have no idea why.
5. cucumbers. I can't stand them, but I love pickles.
I was recently teased by a certain wanna-be cop for putting "Love, Miss Guided" at the end of a post, so believe it or not I actually considered not putting it on this time. Then I realized I really do not enjoy being around said wanna-be cop (probably for the reason that he's a verbally abusive little bitch), and I really don't give a flying rat's ass what he thinks. :)
So.
LOVE (Love love love, because fuck you.)
Miss Guided.
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