You want to know something special? Something really surprising (especially since it's coming from my twisted little head)?
Something so strange to even fathom in today's society, that you're never ever never going to guess what it is until I tell you?
Of course you do. You're reading this trash, aren't you?
Ok, well here's a secret; life is pretty fucking amazing for most people in college right now.
I know.
Considering the fact that I spend most of my time on the internet complaining about my life on this blog, its weird that I should come out with this kind of puke. Its true though, about life being amazing for all us college brats.
Here are some of the reasons that life is awesome for college kids:
1. Where else are you allowed to basically bend the rules of society so much that getting inebriated before going to class and taking a test gets you high-fives instead of snotty comments? Try that in a professional setting and you are most certainly going to get either A)fired or B)ratted on and then fired. So basically fired.
Also, people are fucking weird here, and it's definitely celebrated. And I mean weird-weird, not quirky-weird or cute-weird, but your-parents-unleashed-you-on-the-world-WHY?-weird.
Take a look at websites like MLIA (my life is average); they would not have all of those epically hilarious (and probably fake) stories about random people dressing up as the Christmas Turd from South Park and running through campus chased by Hanukkah Harry.
That's not actually a real story on there, but it's the general idea. Random weird shit happens and people get excited about it. Try that in the "Real World" (notice the capitals and quotes; that means its a separate entity from what we're all living in right now and not the stupid reality show that my roommate seems to be obsessed with) and see what happens. Bad shit, let me tell you. The police will probably chase you and you're going to jail, and depending on what country you did it in, they may or may not fuck with your sentencing length to milk as much free labor out of your very-not-free self as they possibly can before you collapse in a heap of law-and-norm-breaking bones. Just sayin'.
But really, how often do people "use" Harry Potter spells in public, and then not get funny looks? Not often. Try it in college, and not only will you get laughs, you will probably also get a date, at least according to MLIA. I don't think any of the people who say "and we have a date tonight" to end their MLIA entry, actually ever have dates. Like ever.
Not to say that I ever have dates. Like ever. Things need to change with that. I need to get out of the oh-hey-lets-make-out-cool-I'm-done-see-ya-facebook-me-later phase. It's fun and all, but it's starting to make campus feel very small, if you get my drift.
Anyways, back to NOT complaining about my life.
2. Sleep schedules are so messy, but so delicious, here. Just like the peanut butter and jelly sandwiches I've been having for EVERY MEAL for the past week (more on that in Number 5).
If you plan right (ie, not like me) you can sleep until two in the afternoon, have all your classes start at 3 or 4, be done around 7 or 8, go out and "have fun" until 2 in the morning, and then do it all over again. Seriously this is awesome. It's totally normal to roll out of bed and go to class in the afternoon, then stay up until all hours doing absolutely nothing or doing absolutely nothing legal (note the difference, one includes Facebook, guess which one). Love it.
In Real Life, you have to get up at 6 and be at work by 7. That means you're going to turn into my grandma, who gets up at 7:30am NATURALLY (not fucking natural). That sucks.
Weirdly enough though, people are consistently sleep deprived in college. Probably because of Facebook.
Be prepared though, when you go back home your parents will expect you to function like the rest of the "day-trippers." Things can get weird when you're on a caffeine-withdrawl, three-hours-of-sleep binge.
3. At IU, we get free gym access. That's awesome, mostly because everyone here is fucking obsessed with either being emaciated garden-rakes or overly-buff macho-super-men, and it's awesome. I have never seen so many physically fit people in one place, and I gotta say, it's a good way to peer pressure the rest of us normal folk into staying normal-size instead of super-sized.
We have 3 gyms I think. Probably more.
No, actually I know there are more, but there are three of which I know where they are, so that's what I'll say.
Anyways, people in college are generally in their prime (unless you're counting the awkward forty-something going back to college who has three kids and a loaf of bread/husband that she once thought sort of resembled something that could have been her "soul mate."), and for the most part that means that there will be hot people all over the place for you to "have fun with." Not that I'm advocating promiscuous fun, but fun. Fun, as in dates.
You know, those things I never get.
4. This is hard. I need to be more positive about life. This is also not an actual "reason life is awesome" number.
4 (four real). We have some seriously cool opportunities that people basically stuff down our pants.
Seriously, I get handed free stuff on every corner of campus, and then there's also the inevitable "lets-go-party-in-another-country-and-call-it-studying-abroad" thing. Ok, so it's not just one big party; actually in my nerdy little brain the whole "studying" part of the studying abroad bit is probably the coolest thing. I want to go to Australia to study aboriginal tribes, and you know what? I CAN!
Yes, folks, there's an app for that.
I mean, there's a program for that.
Because that's what being at a big college feels like; you're browsing through your iPhone and lo-and-behold, you see that there's an app that reminds your to clip your toenails. Now, you've never thought you needed a reminder, or even a recorder that tells you how long your toenail clippings are this week as compared to last week and what you need to do in order for them to grow longer, but now that it's here...well, why not?!
That's what college is like. No, I don't particularly NEED a USB drive/lanyard/trip to study Urdu in Pakistan, but hey, if you're offering, sign me up.
5. We're all actually five years old at heart. This is where my peanut butter and jelly sandwiches come in. I've been craving them like crazy for the past week, so what have I done? I've eaten PB&J sandwiches for dinner every night, because I wanted to. Also, if I had a penis/no life, I'd probably be glued to a T.V. playing Modern Warcraft Eleven or whatever has the biggest, loudest guns. And zombies.
As it is, I'm obsessed with the movie Zombieland, so I've got that part covered. And I'm sure if I had a T.V. I'd be glued to it watching Criminal Minds or trashy MTV shows all the time. But I don't, so I'm not. Life is grand.
Anyways, point is that we can do whatever we want, be as immature and as irresponsible as we want, and mom and dad can't be all debbie-downer-like.
Honestly, who needs to eat a "balanced diet?" PB&J has fruit in it. J=Jelly=fruit jelly=fruit.
Peanuts=protein.
Butter=carbs/cals
There. Balanced. Bread=grain, done. Ha.
College kids are more immature than most elementary school kids I know, and I think if it were socially appropriate, we'd all be very happy to be running around in tutus and Superman capes for weeks on end (because laundry is a bitch).
Also, new feature. I'm going to do what I'm pretty sure I shouldn't do. I'm going to update you all on the goings-on in my life. I know you don't give a flying fuck, but bitch please Ima tell you anyways.
Here goes.
Did I Really Just Do That?
-Coffee from archer farms=satan's piss. Honestly it's like the sewer water you see draining into the "mighty" Jordan River around here (aka, Piss Creek of IU). Not that I've ever tasted the PCofIU water, but still. Monkey see, monkey do. Or in this case, coffee-looks-like-feces, probably-tastes-like-feces.
I totally fucked that analogy up, but whatever.
-Got an 89 on a paper I originally got an 87 on just by arguing for a minute. Easiest two percentage points ever. Also, girl next to me got a 64. Instant gratification over someone else's misery because she was all smarmy about finishing her experiment before me. Bitch, please.
-Fell standing up still. Actually, this was two weeks ago, but it was stupid/embarrassing enough that the aftershocks are still hitting me. It was snowy and gross and I (as the stupid fashion-obsessed ninny that I am) wore the wrong shoes; super cute knee-high brown leather boots WITH NO TRACTION ON THE SOLES. Now, I didn't fall ONCE walking around campus (even after a close call when Beth literally had to drag me up a hill that I couldn't get my footing on), but when we got to the bus-stop I was standing next to her, and I was kicking the snow for some reason (probably because I hate snow past New Years; it deserved to be kicked). Brought my foot back to land a nice stomp on Lucifer's Cotton, and I totally loose my balance and land on my ass. I think I wrote about this already.
Or maybe I dreamed about writing about it.
Whatever, I'm telling it again. Anyways, I fell, and I had to laugh really hard to make sure that no one later that day was like, "I saw this stupid idiot fall standing straight up, and she totally had a meltdown and cried. What an Asshat."
So I laughed like an idiot so they could be all "I saw this really quirky/funny/gorgeous/awesome girl fall today and she totally made fun of herself and cracked all these really clever/hilarious jokes about it." Or something like that.
-Wanted to smile at the fat guy at the gym today, because the Vaginas-With-Muscles-and-Micro-Tiny-Penises (penii?) (also known as Wanna-be Guidos) were snickering loudly at him as he fumbled on the rowing machines. Didn't. Felt like an evil person.
Got over it. Ate a baked potato.
That's my life right now, actually.
See, college kids are awesome, as made clear by my life.
Loving and Fantastic and Wonderful (because I got a subscriber AND a comment thankyouthankyouthankyou),
Miss Guided
P.S. Am I still witty? Please say yes and validate my internet-existence.
Something so strange to even fathom in today's society, that you're never ever never going to guess what it is until I tell you?
Of course you do. You're reading this trash, aren't you?
Ok, well here's a secret; life is pretty fucking amazing for most people in college right now.
I know.
Considering the fact that I spend most of my time on the internet complaining about my life on this blog, its weird that I should come out with this kind of puke. Its true though, about life being amazing for all us college brats.
Here are some of the reasons that life is awesome for college kids:
1. Where else are you allowed to basically bend the rules of society so much that getting inebriated before going to class and taking a test gets you high-fives instead of snotty comments? Try that in a professional setting and you are most certainly going to get either A)fired or B)ratted on and then fired. So basically fired.
Also, people are fucking weird here, and it's definitely celebrated. And I mean weird-weird, not quirky-weird or cute-weird, but your-parents-unleashed-you-on-the-world-WHY?-weird.
Take a look at websites like MLIA (my life is average); they would not have all of those epically hilarious (and probably fake) stories about random people dressing up as the Christmas Turd from South Park and running through campus chased by Hanukkah Harry.
That's not actually a real story on there, but it's the general idea. Random weird shit happens and people get excited about it. Try that in the "Real World" (notice the capitals and quotes; that means its a separate entity from what we're all living in right now and not the stupid reality show that my roommate seems to be obsessed with) and see what happens. Bad shit, let me tell you. The police will probably chase you and you're going to jail, and depending on what country you did it in, they may or may not fuck with your sentencing length to milk as much free labor out of your very-not-free self as they possibly can before you collapse in a heap of law-and-norm-breaking bones. Just sayin'.
But really, how often do people "use" Harry Potter spells in public, and then not get funny looks? Not often. Try it in college, and not only will you get laughs, you will probably also get a date, at least according to MLIA. I don't think any of the people who say "and we have a date tonight" to end their MLIA entry, actually ever have dates. Like ever.
Not to say that I ever have dates. Like ever. Things need to change with that. I need to get out of the oh-hey-lets-make-out-cool-I'm-done-see-ya-facebook-me-later phase. It's fun and all, but it's starting to make campus feel very small, if you get my drift.
Anyways, back to NOT complaining about my life.
2. Sleep schedules are so messy, but so delicious, here. Just like the peanut butter and jelly sandwiches I've been having for EVERY MEAL for the past week (more on that in Number 5).
If you plan right (ie, not like me) you can sleep until two in the afternoon, have all your classes start at 3 or 4, be done around 7 or 8, go out and "have fun" until 2 in the morning, and then do it all over again. Seriously this is awesome. It's totally normal to roll out of bed and go to class in the afternoon, then stay up until all hours doing absolutely nothing or doing absolutely nothing legal (note the difference, one includes Facebook, guess which one). Love it.
In Real Life, you have to get up at 6 and be at work by 7. That means you're going to turn into my grandma, who gets up at 7:30am NATURALLY (not fucking natural). That sucks.
Weirdly enough though, people are consistently sleep deprived in college. Probably because of Facebook.
Be prepared though, when you go back home your parents will expect you to function like the rest of the "day-trippers." Things can get weird when you're on a caffeine-withdrawl, three-hours-of-sleep binge.
3. At IU, we get free gym access. That's awesome, mostly because everyone here is fucking obsessed with either being emaciated garden-rakes or overly-buff macho-super-men, and it's awesome. I have never seen so many physically fit people in one place, and I gotta say, it's a good way to peer pressure the rest of us normal folk into staying normal-size instead of super-sized.
We have 3 gyms I think. Probably more.
No, actually I know there are more, but there are three of which I know where they are, so that's what I'll say.
Anyways, people in college are generally in their prime (unless you're counting the awkward forty-something going back to college who has three kids and a loaf of bread/husband that she once thought sort of resembled something that could have been her "soul mate."), and for the most part that means that there will be hot people all over the place for you to "have fun with." Not that I'm advocating promiscuous fun, but fun. Fun, as in dates.
You know, those things I never get.
4. This is hard. I need to be more positive about life. This is also not an actual "reason life is awesome" number.
4 (four real). We have some seriously cool opportunities that people basically stuff down our pants.
Seriously, I get handed free stuff on every corner of campus, and then there's also the inevitable "lets-go-party-in-another-country-and-call-it-studying-abroad" thing. Ok, so it's not just one big party; actually in my nerdy little brain the whole "studying" part of the studying abroad bit is probably the coolest thing. I want to go to Australia to study aboriginal tribes, and you know what? I CAN!
Yes, folks, there's an app for that.
I mean, there's a program for that.
Because that's what being at a big college feels like; you're browsing through your iPhone and lo-and-behold, you see that there's an app that reminds your to clip your toenails. Now, you've never thought you needed a reminder, or even a recorder that tells you how long your toenail clippings are this week as compared to last week and what you need to do in order for them to grow longer, but now that it's here...well, why not?!
That's what college is like. No, I don't particularly NEED a USB drive/lanyard/trip to study Urdu in Pakistan, but hey, if you're offering, sign me up.
5. We're all actually five years old at heart. This is where my peanut butter and jelly sandwiches come in. I've been craving them like crazy for the past week, so what have I done? I've eaten PB&J sandwiches for dinner every night, because I wanted to. Also, if I had a penis/no life, I'd probably be glued to a T.V. playing Modern Warcraft Eleven or whatever has the biggest, loudest guns. And zombies.
As it is, I'm obsessed with the movie Zombieland, so I've got that part covered. And I'm sure if I had a T.V. I'd be glued to it watching Criminal Minds or trashy MTV shows all the time. But I don't, so I'm not. Life is grand.
Anyways, point is that we can do whatever we want, be as immature and as irresponsible as we want, and mom and dad can't be all debbie-downer-like.
Honestly, who needs to eat a "balanced diet?" PB&J has fruit in it. J=Jelly=fruit jelly=fruit.
Peanuts=protein.
Butter=carbs/cals
There. Balanced. Bread=grain, done. Ha.
College kids are more immature than most elementary school kids I know, and I think if it were socially appropriate, we'd all be very happy to be running around in tutus and Superman capes for weeks on end (because laundry is a bitch).
Also, new feature. I'm going to do what I'm pretty sure I shouldn't do. I'm going to update you all on the goings-on in my life. I know you don't give a flying fuck, but bitch please Ima tell you anyways.
Here goes.
Did I Really Just Do That?
-Coffee from archer farms=satan's piss. Honestly it's like the sewer water you see draining into the "mighty" Jordan River around here (aka, Piss Creek of IU). Not that I've ever tasted the PCofIU water, but still. Monkey see, monkey do. Or in this case, coffee-looks-like-feces, probably-tastes-like-feces.
I totally fucked that analogy up, but whatever.
-Got an 89 on a paper I originally got an 87 on just by arguing for a minute. Easiest two percentage points ever. Also, girl next to me got a 64. Instant gratification over someone else's misery because she was all smarmy about finishing her experiment before me. Bitch, please.
-Fell standing up still. Actually, this was two weeks ago, but it was stupid/embarrassing enough that the aftershocks are still hitting me. It was snowy and gross and I (as the stupid fashion-obsessed ninny that I am) wore the wrong shoes; super cute knee-high brown leather boots WITH NO TRACTION ON THE SOLES. Now, I didn't fall ONCE walking around campus (even after a close call when Beth literally had to drag me up a hill that I couldn't get my footing on), but when we got to the bus-stop I was standing next to her, and I was kicking the snow for some reason (probably because I hate snow past New Years; it deserved to be kicked). Brought my foot back to land a nice stomp on Lucifer's Cotton, and I totally loose my balance and land on my ass. I think I wrote about this already.
Or maybe I dreamed about writing about it.
Whatever, I'm telling it again. Anyways, I fell, and I had to laugh really hard to make sure that no one later that day was like, "I saw this stupid idiot fall standing straight up, and she totally had a meltdown and cried. What an Asshat."
So I laughed like an idiot so they could be all "I saw this really quirky/funny/gorgeous/awesome girl fall today and she totally made fun of herself and cracked all these really clever/hilarious jokes about it." Or something like that.
-Wanted to smile at the fat guy at the gym today, because the Vaginas-With-Muscles-and-Micro-Tiny-Penises (penii?) (also known as Wanna-be Guidos) were snickering loudly at him as he fumbled on the rowing machines. Didn't. Felt like an evil person.
Got over it. Ate a baked potato.
That's my life right now, actually.
See, college kids are awesome, as made clear by my life.
Loving and Fantastic and Wonderful (because I got a subscriber AND a comment thankyouthankyouthankyou),
Miss Guided
P.S. Am I still witty? Please say yes and validate my internet-existence.
Posts
0 comments:
Post a Comment